The Stick: Second most useful thing ever
Created | Updated Apr 22, 2002
The Stick is the second most useful thing in the universe ever, ranking only
slightly behind the towel, and just before the paperclip. It is a communications
device, firelighter, weapon, testing instrument, ceremonial device, and is the
only known way to control camels. If that wasn't enough it is available in some
form almost everywhere, and can be easily customized to suit the individual
needs of the owner or situation.
Indeed, most modern technologies can trace their development back through history
to the common Stick. Writing implements, (Pens, pencils, charcoal, burnt sticks)
Nuclear Weapons (Missiles, Cannons, Guns, Crossbows, Arrows, Sticks.) Skyscrapers
(Buildings, houses, huts, thatching, the Stick) and Artificial Intelligence
(computers, calculators, the abacus, notched Sticks) are all derivatives.
Sticks range in style from the Common Stick, which is essentially a piece of
dead wood which has fallen off a tree, to the crocia, the staff borne
by abbots and bishops of the Eastern Rite, generally made from cypress-wood,
often cased or inlaid with gold or silver. Later on the staffs were made of
solid ivory, gold, silver, and enameled metal.
Such embellished Sticks are regularly tried by Hitchhikers who attempt to combine
them with other advanced tools such as telecommunications equipment, matter
transmitters, survival gear, and towels. They almost always return to the Common
Stick once they realize the fundamental reason for sticks: Disposability.
The utility of this is underestimated. For example, you can poke a stick down
a dark hole or murky pool, knowing that if something grabs the other
end in an iron grip and begins inexorably to pull you down into the abysmal
depths, you can just let go and run away. But this is only the case if you haven't
combined the functionality of your stick with your credit card, identity papers,
and car keys.
Sometimes, you just need devices which can do their job completely independently
of others. In this regard, the simple wooden stick is still one of the most
advanced tools in the modern Hitchhikers arsenal.
~Orinoco